Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Worst Band. Ever.

Sometimes it's nice to take a break from all things theological. Here is one of those posts.

I think Nickelback is the worst band of all time. Here is a list of bands/music I would rather listen to than Nickelback just so you can see how bad I think they are:

Jefferson Starship, Steve Perry's solo stuff, Hanson, that band who sang the song "This is the story of a girl", Coolio, *insert 1343 80's bands here*, Ace of Base, Five for Fighting, Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, The Monkees, Ringo Starr's solo stuff/all the songs he wrote that made it on the Beatles albums, the weird guy from The Eagles- Joe something, Enya, Amy Grant, old Backstreet Boys, Rammstein, Hinder, Akon, Lil' John, AND WORST OF ALL...........MICHAEL W. SMITH. Man, that is a terrible list. But I would gladly buy any of their albums before Nickelback's.

Here's a list of things I would rather do/have happen to me than go to a Nickelback concert:
-go to the Dentist
-go to a safe sanctuary training
-have my car break down
-bounce a check
-mow a lawn
-wait in line at the DMV
-go to a family reunion (extended family of course, not cousins/aunt/uncle/grandma)
-take extensive notes on a United Methodist board of pension meeting
-watch the most recent Star Wars movies
-participate in a live action drama inspired by a lifetime movie
or worst of all...A MICHAEL W. SMITH CONCERT.

So to Nickelback, please stop making music. Your newest song about wanting to be a rock star isn't really cute or funny or creative. Rock stars singing about wanting to be rock stars isn't cool in some ironic way, it's just lame. Also, the song "figured you out" was gross. At least be consistent and make tough guy music or cheesy poprock music so we can know what to expect from you.

Case in point, a lyrical sample from Nicklback's latest single:
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free (and in the background "I'LL HAVE A QUESODILLA")

I defy any readers out there to come up with a WORSE band than Nickelback. You know what, here at Internationally Known on the Microphone, we haven't had a challenge like this before. So I'm throwin down the gauntlet, tell your friends to check this out.




Matt said...

O come on! Surely the "DeFranco Family" is worse than "Nickelback"! "Heartbeat it's a love beat" has got to be one of THE STUPIDEST songs ever! But, if you think that "Hanson" is better than Nickelback, I'm probably going to have a hard time convincing you.

Professor RJ Gumby said...

Don't be dissing my boy Joe Walsh (the weird guitar guy from the Eagles). He was a 70's rock pioneer with the James Gang, and his first solo album was essential in the social scene when I was at Illinois. And he gave the Eagles much needed grit - his solo on "Hotel California" made that song.

And just to make it a Watson household double, don't let Marcy know you hate the Monkees. She will be on you like bland on a Nickelback track.

As far as worse bands, I would have to go with Bread ("If a picture paints a thousand words, then why can't I paint you?"), Exile ("I Want to Kiss You All Over"), the Little River Band, the Starland Vocal Band ("Afternoon Delight"), Whitesnake, Asia, Damn Yankees, most of the 80's hair bands...well there are many more who make me sick to my stomach. Nickelback just makes me yawn. I will have to put together a sample CD - although that would pretty much wipe out the incentive prize.

Add just make the list complete - Styx after their second album and Journey after their second album...

Now I am going to listen to some Joe Walsh and decompress...


Adam Caldwell said...

"Afternoon Delight" is a great song...I think you may have picked the here's to "staring down the barrel of a 45" at least that is what I want to do after hearing Nickleback.

Brad said...

Alright, I'm a little late on this one. But, you wanna talk about a Tour De Force of SUCK: Nickelback is currently touring with Puddle of Mudd AND Daughtery. Honestly, I'm surprised we aren't all wading through lakes of fire and fighting 7 headed beasts, right now.

Late, B

Anonymous said...

Worst band ever? I've got one word for you - BLUEGRASS. That and my boyfriend's band where all they ever sing about is accidentally swallowing tobacco and leaving their precious drugs back in Alabama. They call themselves "the Merciless Souls".
Merciless is right. They could beat Nickelback at being the worst band ever, anyday:)

The Millers-Because we like it Original! said...

Uh, the Bill Gaither band. OOOH, OR THE OSMONDS. (Not including Mark Lowry, who was hilarious, and wrote the song Mary Did you Know). But I find their music booooring. Boring, boring, boring. Micheal W, never listened to him because he seemed like a wet noodle. I respect that he's a Christian singer, kudos to him, but too weepy.

And ouch most latest anonymous! Geez, if your bf ever heard you saying that, I don't think swallowing tobacco would be the worst of your issues. Sheesh.