Ya know, I really think I have the best job in the world. "Director of Youth Ministries". Most of the time, I get paid to do what I think is a good time. Teaching, organizing trips, stupid stuff like frisbee, helping students make sense of crap they're going through. It's great, really it is.
But sometimes I get so flustered by all the demands on time; commitee meetings, staff meetings, personal meetings, meetings to schedule other meetings so that other meetings can be planned, etc. I get worn out and all I do is talk to people.
Basically, thats it. I talk to people. I don't work at a coal mine, or build stuff. I talk to people and get paid for it. So I feel like a pansy when i'm tired, spiritually and psychologically.
I think it's a sign that i'm leaning to much on "adam". Trying to do what I think is right, following MY pursuits, instead of allowing myself to be filled up by God, i'm running on "me" fumes. Not that following God means that i'll be fully energetic all the time, but i'm really feeling the burn here.
Sometimes I just wish I could work at a shoe store. Sell shoes all day then go home and don't have to think about shoes until the next day. I get home and my mind is still plagued with everything I did that day- did I screw it up? Should I have said this or not? Am I leading things in the way that God would want? The pressure is enormous sometimes.
But then other times i'm paid to float on a lazy river in Baton Rouge, LA.
Wish I was there right now.