Thursday, August 17, 2006

End of My Rope

Ya know, I really think I have the best job in the world. "Director of Youth Ministries". Most of the time, I get paid to do what I think is a good time. Teaching, organizing trips, stupid stuff like frisbee, helping students make sense of crap they're going through. It's great, really it is.

But sometimes I get so flustered by all the demands on time; commitee meetings, staff meetings, personal meetings, meetings to schedule other meetings so that other meetings can be planned, etc. I get worn out and all I do is talk to people.

Basically, thats it. I talk to people. I don't work at a coal mine, or build stuff. I talk to people and get paid for it. So I feel like a pansy when i'm tired, spiritually and psychologically.

I think it's a sign that i'm leaning to much on "adam". Trying to do what I think is right, following MY pursuits, instead of allowing myself to be filled up by God, i'm running on "me" fumes. Not that following God means that i'll be fully energetic all the time, but i'm really feeling the burn here.

Sometimes I just wish I could work at a shoe store. Sell shoes all day then go home and don't have to think about shoes until the next day. I get home and my mind is still plagued with everything I did that day- did I screw it up? Should I have said this or not? Am I leading things in the way that God would want? The pressure is enormous sometimes.

But then other times i'm paid to float on a lazy river in Baton Rouge, LA.

Wish I was there right now.


sarah said...

i am proud of you, and of course, am always here for you.

dustin said...

Your not alone bro. That is the exact same feeling I have had for many years off and on. It's at this point in the comment I could say something spiritual like, 'just keep your eyes afixed on Jesus', but I won't. The truth is, for me anyway, it was a management issue. In the Methodist church I was at I was the youth rep for every single meeting. I had to learn to deligate or simply say the words no one utters ... 'Sorry I can't make it, but can I get a copy of the minutes?' I love you bro, keep your head up, I will pray for you right now (hold on, I am praying) ok I am back ... I love you bro!!

dustin said...

I just realized I said I love you twice in the last post. Please don't think that too forward of me. I do realize the double I love you should be reserved for family members and/or girlfriends and wives. However, with you being a big, hairy, lovable mustoe the double was in order. Peace.

Anonymous said...

Hi Adam,
There are at least two different kinds of burnout. One is physical burnout. You get tired from too much work and not enough fun or sleep. When that happens, simply go to bed and sleep or take time away from the ministry to have fun and re-energize.

The second kind of burnout is spiritual. It comes from doing the things of God which keeps you from God. That is Satan's best trick. If we are so busy doing stuff for God then we have time to be with God. All the sleep in the world will not cure spiritual burnout. Only quiet, devotional time and prayer can heal the soul.

See you in a few weeks!


Brad said...

Hey, man
I'm going through exactly the same things. Part of it is paying our dues as young pastors, and when we're big and get the respect we deserve we'll be able to have more freedom to work how we want. We can't all be Dustin, working from the porch with a tall glass of melonade and a stogie. It's those things we love that get us through. For me, when I get to preach or lead worship. For you, when your guitar leads kids into God's presence. And, of course, frisbee. Focus on the stuff you love, but as long as we're getting paid, we gotta a job to do too.

I love you too, and you can take that too forward of me.