Why I Suck

Sorry if the title offends anyone. But I have a great example of me being dumb.

Like most people, i'm often tired. Yawning in the middle of the day, slow motor reflexes, just plain sleepy a lot. So this past Saturday night should've been a glorious opportunity to catch up on some sleep. We got an extra hour right! What do I do? I figure I can just stay up an hour later. Which is what I did. Next morning i'm just as tired as before.

Most of the problems in my life have come because of my lack of discipline. Finances, "spiritual life" (i'm not sure I like the terminology, but whatever for now), and my health all suffer because I suck at being disciplined.

Just throwin that out there.

Mullet Man Rides Again

Here's the second in our "Superheros of the Pews" series. Behold, Mullet Man. With his unmistakable presence and encyclopedic knowledge of how ministry was done in the 80's, MulletMan is the greatest church attender of all time!

Workin For the Weekend/Salvation

So at book club tonight one of the students raised a great question. She's stuggling with the apparent contridiction/tension between grace and works righteousness.

Now, my boy Dallas Willard would say that grace is opposed to earning, but not effort. Our conversation was sparked when I shared a paraphrase from Out of the Question, Into the Mystery by Leonard Sweet:

"Scripture tells the story of a God who was not afraid to get hands dirty in a relationship with us...the divine come-down was not complete until Jesus embodied the extent of God's deep love in his getting down and washing the disciples' feet- the dirtiest part of the human body. No first century rabbi other than Jesus ever washed his disciples' feet. It is impossible to wash feet without getting hands dirty and wet. Far too many of us are trying to keep our hands celan when the question at Judgement Day is going to be "Shoe me your hands. How dirty and wet are they?"

Man thats good!

So, she has been told in her Christian upbringing "There's nothing you can do to earn God's love" yet also, at youth group we're constantly emphasizing the way Jesus calls us to live and how we're created to "do good works". I understand her confusion, although thats not the right word.

I'd like to unpack this a little more over the next couple days. If anyone out there would like to talk about their views on the subject, that would be great!

The question is this: How are grace, faith, and works interwoven? (also to be considered: How does Christian docrtine reinforce these elements of life in Christ? What does scripture say about all this? How have the understanding of these words evolved over time?)

Good stuff I hope! More soon.

Spooky Theology

So here it is. Halloween. I'm sitting at the office...with some brownies with orange and black M&M's in them. I'm not lementing a lack of trick or treating any longer. Although I am at the awkward stage still: WAY too old to go out begging for candy...not old enough for my own kids to go (and subsequently mooch off their candy)...and still in an apartment complex with not too many trick or treaters.

Thus I will use this time formerly used for Halloween festivities to blog about some of the issues I see Halloween bringing. I posted one article about evangelicals using this night as an opportunity to witness- I just hope they aren't stingy with the candy- that'd be a bad witness.

What about these "haunted house alternatives"? I remember as a young'n going to "Heaven's Gates Hell's Flames" and as a high schooler attending "Judgement House". Haunted houses are seen by some as demonic/dangerous/satanic/lame/whatever so churches set up spiritual alternatives. They encourage groups to "bring every spirtually lost youth and adult you know". I dunno if I have a tough time with this or not.

In my experience, you went and observe different scenes played out where some kids died and you saw who went to heaven and who went to hell. Then afterwords they brought you into a room, you heard about accepting Jesus Christ, did the "with every head bowed every eye closed" routine, filled out a card, and got on your way.

At the time (10th grade), I felt the whole thing a bit presumptuous. There was this one dude who was grilling me about my salvation blah blah blah. I was like: 'man, you don't even know me!' But I could have had an isolated negative experience.

So the question to me is, are these a good idea? What sort of theology are we communicating?

First of all, before anyone accuses me of thinking I have all the answers, who cares what I think. God will use for his good whatever God will use for his good. Far be it from me to criticize good people working hard for something they believe in. Also I always talk about how the church needs to get with the program and be "relevant" and this is one way they can do that- use a holiday for "good". That being said, here's what I think.

I don't see how people get off portraying who goes to heaven and who goes to hell based on a list of 5 steps which they later give to you. I don't see how a church can boast about "hundreds of souls being saved" and then not give a thought to every one of those souls being in their congregation the next Sunday, or any congregation the next Sunday. I don't see judging who goes to heaven and hell in the human job description. I see leading others to those conclusions as manipulative and dangerous.

Literally scaring the hell out of people is not my personal method of sharing the gospel. I want kids to come to Jesus out of love, out of being sick and tired of all the crap the world is trying to sell them and always feeling like nothing is ever enough. I want kids to see all the beautiful ways God calls us to live- not just giving them "fire insurance".

Well, there it is. Happy Halloween!

Say It Ain't So!

Bob Barker is retiring!

I got to see him in his last year in action.

Wow, i'm gonna need some time to cope.

What's Scarier... Goblin Mask or Gospel Tract?

Here's some interesting articles from Yahoo! News, which I check compulsively:

This one talks about "evangelicals" handing out tracts with their candy, one man has an interesting observation:
"It's the only time of the year when people come to your door and ask to interact with you"



Here's another, introducing a new term, at least to me: "Christmas creep".


In an un-related story, after a horrific "secret santa" gift exchange I was called a Christmas creep. Anyways...

Tommarow is Halloween. I remember in 9th grade being very very upset that my Dad wouldn't let me go trick or treating. I can actually pinpoint that night as when I started to know I was growing up. No more pillow cases full of candy to barter with my sister.

So now as an adult, I still grapple with the issues Halloween raises. Plus, my Dad sent me candy. Maybe I haven't changed that much. I've got some musings about these church "alternatives" that I might post later. Until then, enjoy this:

Big Weekend for St. Louis

1. Once again, Cards=champs.

2. Went to the Red Bull Soap Box Derby on Saturday. Maybe the coolest thing I've ever been to, ever. check it out:
www.redbullsoapboxusa.com

3. St. Louis named most dangerous city. Ironically, Detroit was #2. They can't win anything!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061030/ap_on_re_us/city_crime_list

I keep trying to tell you guys how hardcore I am, out here in the mean streets.

Cards Win!!!!

World Series! At home, in the new Busch! Lovin it! I even bought a new hat today, with a world series logo on it and everything.

So, here's what I have to say:

-screw everybody on both coasts who doesn't care unless it's the yanks/sox/angels/dodgers/A's in the series. This was the lowest rated world series ever.

-who cares if the cards had the lowest regular season win total of any world series winner in history

-we better start payin some dudes next year. our payroll is 11th in the league while our average cost of a game (merch, tickets, food, parking, etc) is 3rd. that ain't right.

-congrats to Eickstein for becoming the SHORTEST world series MVP in history! (5'7)

-my pastor went to games 4 and 5. I gotta start workin it in the offseason to score some tickets next post-season

-my roomate Jeremy, an avid Braves fan actually said the words: "The Cardinals are the best team in baseball." He had nothing else to say other than that. sweet satisfaction! we're gonna get him a personalized Cardinal jersey to celebrate. Jeremy was actually a really good sport, it was nice to have some comradery (sp?)

-finally an NL team didn't get embarrassed in the series

-the funny thing is that this lasts for a little while but then you've got to do it next year, kind of a wierd feeling. thats what sucks about sports...it's lonely at the top!

-i'm out!

Faith In Action

Here's the first video in a series done by our Worship Planning Team: Faith In Action covering the Methodist Vows: Prayers, presence, gifts, service. Dr. Devotion is Prayers.

recant

ok, after some more thought...the cards/tigers hadn't played in two days when PTI aired on Tuesday. The Giants/Cowboys game was the bigger game, mostly by default because there was a game.

I thought about just editing my other post...but I thought i'd expose everyone to my impatience and venom of my tounge.

Cards

St. Louis just can't get as much love as they deserve.

Whats the first topic on PTI today? The monday night football cowboys/giants game. BESIDES the fact that this is cross-program-promotion by ESPN, St. Louis (and Detroit for that matter) is viewed as a "small market" team. aaarrrgggg!

It it's not New York or Boston in the series, nobody cares. That makes me mad. Also, what makes me mad is you can't even watch Baseball Tonight without seeing "driven by Chevrolet" intruding at every moment of the broadcast. ugh.

On a different note, I just finished "The Imitation of Christ" by Thomas a' Kempis. At a whopping 75 pages, it's not saying that much to finish it quickly. However, this book is awesome. Those 15th century dudes really know wassup. So, more on that soon.

St. Louis is up 2-1 in the series. If they win, i'm turnin cars over downtown.


















....kidding about the car. crime isn't funny, nor does it pay, and as we know once you have committed the crime you must do the time.

Fireside Chat

Here's a video we shot for a recent youth parent meeting. Poking fun at the "difficulties" of youth ministry. Let's see what ol' Pops has to say about this one!

Belief

John Mayer has a haunting song, I stole the title for this blogging entry. Check out the first lines:

"Is there anyone who ever remembers
changing their mind from the paint on a sign?"

Ouch!

I drive around St. Louis, more a couple years ago than now. But I see the big giant green JESUS billboard. I drive around Marshall Missouri last weekend and see lots of mini-JESUS billboards in people's yards, like campaign supporter signs.

I just can't help but think these are kind of silly. I think Mayer sang it better than I could ever say it. Are "lost" drivers (sorry for the pun, I really didn't plan it like that) going to look at that sign and think: GOD HAS FINALLY GIVEN ME A SIGN! OH JESUS, YOU ARE MY PERSONAL LORD AND SAVIOR!!!!!! Doubtful. Maybe i'm being cynical, maybe God can speak through a pretty obtuse sign, but I think he can do lots more with you and me. I think we're kind of fooling ourselves with our little (or big) signs. It's just one more billboard.

I'm not even gonna get started on the LAME signs that churches put up out front. Yes Dad, i'm talking to you. Yes, EUMC i'm talking to us. Ok, I guess I AM gonna get started. Let's sample some shall we?

"Don't make me come down there"
-God

"That 'love thy neighbor thing'...I meant it"
-God

"Our Sundays are better than Baskin Robbins"
(at least this isn't attributed directly to God)

These are just the ones off the top of my head at 2 freaking 30 in the morning. The worst part is i've actually been roped into putting the letters up for some of those signs. Who really thinks that we're attracting anyone with these things? Whats worse, i'm afraid of the type of person who would be so enamored with some cheeky slogan that they'd feel so inclined and intruiged to associate with the proprietors of the sign.

I'm probably blowing things out of proportion here, but hey, this is a blog. Hopefully i'll at least make somebody mad enough to comment. These signs are so representative of the church just not getting it. We get these stupid things from some book or website and put em' up on our marquees, bullatins, whatever. I'm not sure we REALLY think people outside of Christianity like them. Once again, I can't imagine any person i've ever met reading that sign, and then feeling a desire to get in touch with the source of such wit.

I'd compare it to an OXYCLEAN commercial. The ad is so ridiculous it's almost self-parody. I would never consider buying anything Billy Mays endorsed, he's simply to enthusiastic about too many products. However, Billy Mays does have one impressive beard, which will be soon saluted believe me. Back to the point, our signs are just one more adventure in futility.

But lets go a step further. Just like the church advertises itself in a way that reflects commerce, do we "sell" the same message? Do we confuse faith with belief? Are we trying to get people to buy into a set of rules?

How many of us out there would agree that the church puts more emphasis on right BELIEF or correct DOCTRINE as opposed to right PRACTICE or right RELATIONSHIPS?

Take communion for example. An outward sign of an inward act- remembering Christ. But take a cross section of how the church treats it: rules over who can administer it, beliefs over transubstantiation (I hope you're all impressed), what elements are used (wine vs. juice, wafers vs. bread), how the elements are administerd (the mini-cup, the bre-broken bread, the "rip n' dip"/intinction, the common cup), what is said, how it is blessed, and WHO CAN TAKE IT.

Holy crap. Thats like a communion royal rumble.

See what I mean? What could this look like to an "outsider" somebody who is "unchurched"? 'Man, those church folks sure think all sorts of things about communion. Is it really that difficult?' What do we hold more important? The relationship that communion embodies, or all the nitty gritt details steeped in tradition about how we do it...what we BELIEVE about it?

This had been churning in my mind for a little while. I recently started "Out of the Question...Into the Mystery" by Leonard Sweet and his first couple chapters are what I have blatently stolen from. Although he hasn't talked much about communion, or John Mayer, or JESUS BILLBOARDS...that was all me baby.

Alright, I hope some of this makes sense. I just think that the church has gone astray by using methods that don't really work, being out of touch with ourselves and who we're called to serve, and getting our priorities out of order.

Listen to that John Mayer song, it's a good one. It's pretty tough to write a deep song thats also really catchy while being pretty transparent. You know, not using lots of enigmatic imagry...he's just sayin what he thinks.

"Everyone believes...in how they think it outta be."
-John Mayer

The Speez

This salute to great facial hair is most appropriate, as the Cardinals 17th World Series has drawn nigh.

So tonight, I salute you Scott Spiezio. For months now, i've joked about how after you hang up your cleats, you'll pursue your REAL dream of being in a lame cover band. I admit, I have mocked your crimson goatee.

Well ya know what, right now that artificially dyed soul patch's coolness is directly proportional to how well you're playing, and how well the Cards are doing for that matter.

Lets see here, lifetime 15 for 23 in the postseason with runners in scoring position...the red beard is in!

So here's to you Scott, with your clutch hitting extending the beauty of that little red beard.

Long live "The Speez".

A New Look!

I switched to blogger's beta service, so I was able to switch up the style. I hope you likey. It feels like a crisp fall afternoon to me.

More soon, probably...

Go Cards!

Let the Games Begin

The church I am employed at is building a new facility a couple miles from our current facility. In the process we've been trying to sell our current building.

For years we've had lots of "lookers" but no "buyers" until an organ/music company wants to buy our facility to use it as an organ showroom and music school. The santuary could be used for recitals, community events, etc.

Well today in the "Chesterfield Journal" an article was published about the potential sale. There's people who aren't happy. Which is understandable. Our church is zoned for non-profit only, and midwest music is a retail store. Now, A FREAKING ORGAN COMPANY is not exactly like Wal-Mart moving in down the street from you, but I understand their concern.

But one individual insinuates that we wouldn't sell our building to a "Muslim religious group". Come on lady. Let's not lie about things you don't even know about. So the next couple weeks should be interesting as we're dealing with local politics and people who are all fired up. With some good reason, and with some dishonest tactics.

God, help us to honor you when things get real messy.

MORE Cell Phone Trouble

Ok, long story short: I HAVE A NEW CELL PHONE AND ALMOST NONE OF MY NUMBERS. If you are my friend, please email me your cell phone number: adam.mustoe@gmail.com

My cingular woes persist.

My "flip" phone doesn't open. MY FLIPPIN PHONE NEVER WORKS! I have being a slave to this little tic tac sized monster. Luckily, our church had an old cell phone nobody used, and I was able to snag it. So my number is the same, but that will probably soon change too.

The good thing to come out of this is i'm planning on filming myself destroying my old busted cell phone, a la "Office Space" and posting it on here. So, that should be fun.

More later.

Encounter at TGIFridays

So there we were. My friends and I, in a TGIFriday's in Austin Texas. This particular TGIF's was located at the Radisson Hotel we stayed at. We had been watching the Cardinals clench the NLDS against the Padres, a joyous moment.

Upon celebrating the Redbirds victory, we moved the party to the shuffleboard playing area. Oh, an un-related sidenote: the fried macaroni is a delight. Anways, we're playin some shuffleboard and there's this dude at the bar watching us. Let me quality "us": Me, my friend Jessica, my youth worker buddies Steve and Phil.

He starts asking us how to play and such, so we start talking and everyone is enjoying themselves. Then he (we'll refer to him as Bernard in the interest of protecting his identidy) asks us why we're there in Austin. His first clue was Phil's nametag, which we had already repeatedly ridiculed him for wearing.

We respond by saying that we work with youth and that we were there for the national youth workers convention. He introduces himself as Bernard and then the conversation took an exciting turn.

Bernard starts asking us what we believe about the Bible and other holy books. He explains that he practices Buddhism, Judaism, and Islam. I thought this was kind of funny but moved on. I bought Bernard a Miller Lite. We continue to talk, and this guy was asking some really great questions, and we were really having a good time playing shuffleboard and talking about life and theology.

Then, it hit me. I had a copy of Velvet Elvis up in my room! I could give this dude my copy and then he could see some of what Christianity is all about. I also grabbed one of the Nooma videos I had, so he could check that out. Also, I had called my special lady friend Sarah to visit for a while, but I cut the conversation short so that I could go hang out with Bernard. He had remarked it was cool to see Christians who drank a beer (I had one...*gasp*) and didn't judge him.

So I get back down to Bernard and friends, and present him with the book. I hope I don't look dorky, in retrospect maybe I came on a little strong, but I LOVE this book and Bell's movies so I thought maybe he might like them too.

Then we get around to why Bernard was at TGIFridays..."Are you from Austin Bernard?"...."No...."...."Oh, do you live around here then?"...."No...."...."So, why ARE you in Austin at a TGIFridays in the middle of a Radisson?"...."See, there's this convention in town...."

BERNARD WAS AT THE CONVENTION TOO! HE WAS TRICKING US THE WHOLE TIME!

I WAS PISSED!

So, it was a "Smile you're on hidden camera moment" and over about 20 seconds the gravity of the situation hit me. I sort of laughed/grunted in anger, and refered to Bernard as the Christian Ashton Kutcher.

After about 10 minutes, I guess I was cool with it. Bernard was bold! He said he just saw it as an opportunity to test our faith. I definately passed! Which was kinda cool...But people aren't lab rats ya know? I guess Bernard figured we could take it.

I also demanded my stuff back.

So we ended up talking with Bernard the rest of the night and hanging out with him the last day for a workshop and worship. He was a cool guy. I decided he could have my copy of Velvet Elvis anyway. But I told him that every time he sees it he should feel guilty!

So what do ya'll think? Impersonating as a "non-believer"...good move? Or bonehead move?

Hook Em' Horns?

So I just got back from Austin Texas at a youth specialties conference.

I've got lots of stories to tell. Quick recap:

Great speakers- Buster Soaries, Donald Miller
Great workshops- Dan Kimbal, other random people that most of you wouldn't have heard of, and neither had I but they were
great!
Great Worship- David Crowder Band, Shane & Shane, Jeremy Camp
Great "entertainment"- actually quit looking at this right now and go to http://www.davethehornguy.com
Great friends- Met up with my crew from Texas, and my friend Phil from Springfield, and of course Steve from EUMC
Great people- 2500 youth workers from all over the place.

Man, it was intense. It's gonna take a couple days, maybe weeks to process things and pop them up on here.

It's tempting to create some sort of youth group worker cult where I talk about these quasi youth worker celebreties on here and nobody else has any clue who they are. So in the recaping I hope THAT doesn't happen.

I'll tell you what did happen though.

I experienced the kingdom of God in a way I don't think I had before. You can't put that on an agenda, you can't put together a workshop on MAKING THAT HAPPEN. Man, it was great. But i'm tired. More soon!

Hugh Jackman/Wolverine

Today I salute everyone's favorite X-beard, Wolverine. His mutant powers are many, but the best is his hairy exterior. Plus, he could concievably (sp?) never have to spend money on any Gilette products.

In other news, i'm going to the National Youth Workers Convention tommarow in Austin, TX. (Hello Austin! I'm Brian Fellow!)
It's gonna be sweet. Workshops from "pros" Shane & Shane, David Crowder, and probably what i'm looking forward to most is Donald Miller speaking.

So i'll try to update ya'll from there. I'm gonna bring my computer and be trendy!

Peace.

A Tribue to Great Facial Hair

Oh snap! Three posts in one day! Lunacy!

So thanks to Dustin I would like to set up a fairly randomly recurring segment where I pay a small omage to the great beards of this world. So many names and styles come to mind. I'm really excited about this.

Today, I salute the Missouri Annual Conferences own Bishop, Robert Schanse. Now, i've never met the guy. I've heard him talk, and its good stuff. I can say all of this freely as I have no personal benefit from sucking up to him. I'm still a layperson baby!

So here's to you Bishop, for representin' all the clergymen who's job is synonomous (sp?) with having some sort of facial fur. I salute your finely trimmed, well kept, episcopal beard.

Also, you can check out a late article from him here which is some good blogging fodder.

"Sermon"

I hope it's not egotistical to post your own talks on your own blog. However, I do tell the students that they can go back over what we do at youth group by checking the blog. So, here is last nights. I put "sermon" in quotes because i'm not really sure if thats what I do or not, but either way this is what was said at youth group last night where we worshiped together. Man, it was great. We have such a cool youth band and are so blessed with so many gifts.

The beginning of this came at workcamp this summer when I heard BB speak on this chapter of James. So, thanks BB! Without further adu...ado? adoo...

What does it mean to be a Christian?

James 4: 17- “Anyone who knows the right he ought to do and doesn’t do it sins.”

1. It’s not about sin management.

A lot of people in our culture cringe when they hear the word Christian, or think of being one. The first thing we have to do is admit that they have several good reasons to do so. Have you been to a Christian book store lately? Or watched those TV preachers? Or seen any of the Left Behind movies? Yikes.

Lots of people feel like NOT doing this or NOT doing that makes you a Christian. This is part of it. Let’s make a big list shall we? Shout out stuff you’re not supposed to do- go on, yell in church which is something you’re not supposed to do.

(take suggestions)

Good. Now lying is not honoring God in the truth, looking at pornography is not God’s plan for men and women. Cussing is not an effective means of communicating, much less respecting another person. These things are all stuff we’re not supposed to do, you can find reasons for these in the bible. But too often what happens is people look down their noses at folks that do things from a list. Just because we don’t struggle with sin a or sin b, we find it pleasing to make other people who do feel guilty. We all do it. So what we do is focus on what we’re not doing, and that makes us somehow better than other sinners who do that. This is sin management.

Let’s look at what Jesus did in this situation:

John 8: 1-11

Christianity isn’t about “not doing bad things”

2. Christianity is about doing what is right.

Jesus clearly tells us what is right. Loving God, and loving our neighbor. He points out who our neighbor is, and gives us the tools to carry out his commandment. Problem is, it’s really hard. Very hard. This verse from James gives us a clear definition…what we KNOW inside, in our very bones to be right, to be good we MUST do. Many times in my life the problem isn’t knowing what I should do, it’s actually doing it. How I use my time, my gifts, spend my money…all of these things are important and doing good things and being responsible is really hard. So it’s easy to think of Christianity like a prison: you’re locked in this pious cell where you can only read, pray, and feel guilty about all the stuff you screwed up. But really, it’s just the opposite. Christianity is a dedication to being all about this: Phillipians 4: 8-9

3. We cannot get it all right, but we’re gonna try.

*at this point I told a couple of my struggles from the past, too long to list!*
You see Christians have a reputation for being “holier than thou” or always making people feel guilty. But the truth is Christians are no different from everyone else in that we screw up, can still be capable of great evil, and are still pretty selfish and self-serving. The difference is that we don’t rely on ourselves. We aren’t hopeless. We’re not part of a downward spiral of human nature. We’re about hope in Christ. We’re about striving to do what is right no matter how many times we fall. We’re not about keeping a list of naughty and nice. You see my friends there is such a fine line between grace and lazyness. We are at once forgiven and called to “leave our life of sin”. Through living out our faith in good works, doing “the right we ought to do” that we respond to how Jesus calls his people to live.

So I hope that you can go out into your schools, into your sports, into your families and do what is right. I hope you can at once feel free from guilt but obligated to do what is right. Because that’s how Christ calls us to live. We don’t do that good of a job. But we’re gonna keep going.

Facebook

So, my good friend BB hat tiped a conversation we had the other day. Now I tip my hat back to him. I'm posting pretty much what I said at youth group two weeks ago to our high schoolers. Pick it apart if you like, I hope you do. Post a comment, or not. I'm just throwin this out there.

1. Facebook is a document-able representation of you
This can be a very dangerous thing. People can sum you up from the comforts of there own computer chair. What you put on there can be very telling. Your parents, your teachers, your youth pastors can all have access to your profiles. Honestly, think to yourself would you want your profile or ALL your comments to be seen by everyone here? So why would you say them at all? ALL your photos? There is a disconnect between what you do in real life and what you “do” on facebook. It’s easy to say whatever you want, be in whatever group you want, talk however you want, and put whatever pictures up you want because it seems real but at the same time it isn’t.

2. Facebook is a very tempting way to create a pseudo-identity.
You can literally fill in what you want people to know about you. You can hand-select information that others will use to find you, friend you, learn about you. The tempting part of this is we can create on on-line persona that is very different from our REAL persona. This is very much related to our last point.

3. Facebook is all about “doing” but not “being”.
This is some of my cultural commentary. Our culture really exalts people who KNOW stuff. Who was that guy who won all that money on Jeapordy (Ken Jennings)? What did he do but just know a bunch of junk? What does that really matter? There is a big difference in DOING but not BEING. Jesus was very concerned not just with DOING but with BEING- the condition of the heart. Pastor Michael talked about this in his sermon this morning. We’ve talked about this 2 summers ago… The list of things on your profile are things you do, it’s not who you are. But we’ve become so distorted into thinking that’s what makes us who we are. If you like jet-skiing, that’s cool. But that doesn’t make you adventurous. Being yourself makes you adventurous. Jesus again, was VERY concerned with the condition of the heart. Some of his harshest words were for religious people that talked and even acted one way, but didn’t truly live it because of their hearts. Get back in your groups and each group take one of these:

Matthew 5: 27-28,

T.O.

So, the Dallas Cowboys wide reciever is back in the media spotlight again. This is a fairly rare occasion where something in the sports world is quite blog-worthy. Most of the time it'd be like: "Why do the Cardinals always blow it in September/October" or something. But really, there's not many lessons there except that maybe our payroll should be higher because our tickets certainly are. Ok, i'm done.

It was reported on Wednesday that T.O. had attempted suicide. It's come out now that it's been a misunderstanding and that Owens simply took some suppliments with his pain pills, and it was not a good combination. This came out in the press conference he held yesterday. His publicist who discovered Owens "groggy" called 911 and the Dallas P.D. ruled this a suicide attempt, but they've now gone to "accidental overdose". But here's the kicker...

During the conference his publicist said: "He's got 25 millions reasons to live." Referring to the 25mil that T.O. will make with the Cowboys. Wow.

So I wonder, how many of us are simply living to amass a bigger pile of stuff? A bigger bank account? A better care? Better stuff, and more stuff? Wow, she really hit the nail on the head. That reasoning is amazing, his money justifies his existence.

Well, I guess i'll stop blogging now, as I don't have as many reasons to live as T.O.

(thats not a cry for help, simply an observation according to Owen's publicist's logic. Try saying it yourself, it really makes it more ridiculous.)

MuteMath

What up,

MuteMath's album is available for download on iTunes. 20 songs for $11.99. Not bad! These guys are seriously unbelievable. My friend Brad (BB) has a post about facebook, which we talked about at Youth on Sunday night. So me and give had a good conversation, as did the youth group. So, hopefully some good stuff comin up.

Peace

The Dude Store

Sorry for the lack of a title, i'm not feeling very creative.

Right now i'm sitting in my living room....AND using my computer. Wireless is a beautiful thing. I really don't understand how this all works. So now I can go to Bread Co. and look trendy like everyone else! Plain Bagel with cream cheese, and a side of street cred please!

I saw Jet Li's Fearless over the weekend. It really wasn't that great.

My cell phone is having more trouble. Looks like ANOTHER go around with Cingular. I should be a pro at that junk.

Ok, I just thought of a topic.

Recently, I bought a pair of "close-toed" shoes. For those of you that know me, you know that I wear flip flops a lot, thanks to my bro-bro Adam. The reason this is a big deal is because my feet are huge.

I've actually have people I don't know commenet publicly on the size of my feet. What happens when you have big feet (size 14-15) is that NOBODY carries your size. In the Journey's catalogue they don't even make my size in lots of brands.

I walk into Champs and ask for the big 1-5's, and the guy either laughs at me or takes me to this little room with like, 3 pairs of shoes in it. The shoes are all verbatim copies of Magic Johnson's 1988 high tops. It's terrible.

Also, my head is rather large. I can never find a hat that fits. Trying to buy a hat is pretty much the same thing as buying shoes.

So here's my proposal: The Dude Store. Stuff for small dudes, and stuff for big dudes. Some guy comes in looking for size 11's: "Sorry sir, you can find those at ANY OTHER SHOE STORE ON THE PLANET. NOW GET OUT!!!! GO ON, YOU AVERAGE MALE, GO!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Let's give the marginalized disproportionate consumer a home, a place just for them.

Here's to Foot Locker for carrying size 14 Puma's.

OnLine Dating Tips?

Hey, I have one...

TALK TO PEOPLE IN FREAKING PERSON! (ironically, this is posted on my blog....whatever)

Wasn't online dating an alternative for people who needed tips in dating? Now there's tips for online dating? Whew. What are we comin to folks. The only TRUE success story of online dating is Me and Sarah. Seriously.

http://personals.yahoo.com/us/static/dating-advice_first-date

Sunday at youth group we're talking about the dangers of the world wide web and the ability to create your own lil' identity, and this article reflects that.
























































































by the way, I was kidding about me and Sarah. just makin sure. ok, it's really late.

Funny Error

So here's an article about Veggie Tales on NBC:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060922/ap_en_tv/tv_veggietales_flap (sorry, my link button isn't working)

But the interesting part to me isn't the article neccessarily (sp?) check out this last part:

"If NBC is so concerned about that four-letter-word God, then they shouldn't have taken `VeggieTales'," he said.

FOUR LETTER WORD! HA!

I've got 4 words for you- Peace out.

One More Thing...

Hey, last post was my 100th post! Yippee! I guess thats something to celebrate. So here's to scores more entries with quirky insight and poor spelling.

Saw Jet Li's "Fearless" today. It was entertaining but I wouldn't rush out to see it.

I wish teleportation was possible.

Seein Shane & Shane tommarow. Sweet!

Peace.

I'M RICH BABY!

Alright, after posting a couple little puny ones...it's time to dig in. Get those mouses ready.

Time magazine's headline reads: "Does God Want You to Be Rich? Yes, say some megachurches. Others call it herasy. The debate over the new gospel of wealth."

Now I think before any discussion of this takes place, we should note that Time magazine wants to make money. They do this by selling magazines. They sell those by creating stories that people want to read. People don't want to read boring stories, they want to read controversial ones. So the joke of "subjective journalism" is that Time won't provide a balanced, rational smattering of the issue. They want to get people's attention and make money. I'll admit, it worked. At Dierberg's on Sunday I saw the cover, and bought it without hesitation. Shame on me. You know what I thought first? "Oh, this is nice blog material!" (sigh)

That being said, the article was actually not to bad. But to see scripture quoted in the little tables within the article was just kinda funny. They provided 5 verses "for" and "against" God wanting his people to be wealthy.

So they talk to Joel Osteen, who just looks way to perky. This dude's church bought out THE ARENA WHERE THE HOUSTON ROCKETS USED TO PLAY. "The Summit" as they call it, is freaking huge. Huge. Ridiculously huge. So, can Joel claim God's blessing because of the monetary supplication?

Joel actually doesn't say what you think he's gonna say. I'll bet Time was kind of dissapointed: "I think God wants us to be prosperous. I think he wants us to be happy. I think he wants us to enjoy our lives. I don't think i'd say God wants us to be rich." This is somewhat contradictory to a parishoner (sp?) of Joel's that Time begins the interview with. Homedude said God promised him a six-figure job and 25 acre house. Whew.

Anyways, they use Rick Warren as a counterpoint if you will. Mr. Purpose does a good job of refuting the "prosperity gospel" that Time is investigating. At one point, they use people like Joyce Meyer to illustrate "Prosperity Lite" which I thought was pretty funny.

So scripture is taken as a one sentance absolute and qutoed, people are interviewed and the article was fairly balanced. I guess it did a good job of inspiring thought, in me and a couple folks at church anyway. So, good job time.

Let's tackle this ourselves shall we?

Really, to me the whole thing centers around what you consider "wealth" to mean. In a minute, i'll rephrase that with the same intent. It's that simple. I don't know many rational people who believe that becoming a Christian means you won't ever struggle financially. While we're at it, "being saved" doesn't exactly "save" you from sickness, grief, pain, lonliness, or bad spelling.

I love what author Donald Miller says about looking for formulas in the Bible, about finding absolutes that certainly apply to humanity forever. Miller points out that in his quest to write the perfect Christian self-help book he looked for formulas, but most of the ones he discovered wouldn't really work. Consider Stephen (Acts chapter 7), who became a Christian and was stoned to death. Was Stephen stoned to death with "ice in his grill" as the kids might say?

Joyce Meyer says: "Who would want something where you're miserable, broke and ugly and you have to muddle through until you get to heaven?" Paul might. I'll bet it wasn't real fun in jail, or being beaten.

Time quotes John 10: 10: "Then Jesus said...'I have come that they may have life, and have it more abundantly'." Well, the issue then is what you consider 'abundant'. One dude in the article thinks it's 25 acres and a dream house. Joyce Meyer has a helicopter I think. Rick Warren has sold so many books he doesn't get a salary from Saddleback, and paid back all the salery he's ever recieved. Dang. Are they more blessed than you and me? Does God love them more? Are they worth more to God so they are literally, fiscally worth more than us? Could anyone REALLY believe that? Isn't ABUNDANT life- Life with Christ himself? Isn't that enough? Living the way Christ calls us to live leads to abundant life, and may in fact be incongruent with monetary abundance.

While we're at it, doesn't Jesus explicitly say that we're not to work to simply acquire a huge pile of things, where theives can steal and moth can destroy? Doesn't that sort of life make little of what God thinks of us? Doesn't Jesus deal with rich folks who love their stuff so much that it seperates them from God's love? While i'm thinking about it, crap! How much do I do that?

Honestly, I thought we were over this whole prosperity stuff once The Prayer of Jabeaz craze finally died. The notion that God will shower his people with Mercedes Benzs (thats hard to say) the more they love him is absurd. Once we try to proportionalize God's love with our bank accounts, it's a big mess.

(Ok, my attempt to be thoughtful and well-spoken is over. At this point in the blog, if you'd like to move on to another internet task, please do. If you want further musing, please, proceed.)

Yet, as much as i'm sittin here goin off, I do the same thing. I compare my church's facilities and our youth group attendance to others all the time. I'm typing this on my expensive laptop, in a nice apartment, in a VERY afluent area of St. Louis County. So what do I know about financial hardship?

Something that's stuck with me for years is one time when Me and my Dad were at a stoplight in Cape Girardeau. We were behind this shiny, black, brand new Mercedes. Man, this thing was clean. The only adornment other than shiny chrome was a rainbow bumper sticker that read: "Jesus Is Lord!". Thats a lot easier to say when you're drivin a Benz isn't it? To me, that person would have been very wealthy to afford that car. But most people around the world would consider ME to be the wealthy one. So the joke of all of this American Prosperity Gospel stuff is that maybe we ARE blessed more than we realize and aren't doing what we should in our position.

Time grossly mis-interprets the parable of the Talents, which to me harkens back to the Abrahamic covenant. (I hope I phrased that right) Where we are blessed, to be a blessing. Not to admire our pile of stuff. To whom much is given, much is expected. So the more you've got, the more you've got to do with it. Thats how I make peace with being so well off. Again, it's all relative. To lots of people in my area, i'm a pauper. But thats not the case at all.

Really, we're only scratching the surface. Too often we're so obsessed with the QUANTITY as opposed to the QUALITY. We want numbers, and conrete evidence that we're crankin out disciples baby. But thats just not how it works. So in guarding against prosperity gospel, we can't speak out against one but then evaluate ministries worth by how many new baptisms we have. But then at the same time, God certainly doesn't want LESS baptisms does he? AAARRRGGGG so many questions. Alright, I guess i'm done. Maybe more soon, maybe not. My Dad says i've got to much time on my hands. Maybe he's right.

Hey, if anyone knows about a used Benz, i'm in the market.


















-I hope you caught the irony there, cause I was layin it on pretty thick.

My Dream

You know the celebration baseball players do after a walk off home run? Thats what I want someday. Maybe after I get married on the way to the car or something. We can tape it and replay it in slow-mo with "chariots of fire" in the background.

http://sports-ak.espn.go.com/mlb/recap?gameId=260918119

Time Magazine Cover

Hello all my prosperity gospel soon to be millionaires.

Check out the TIME magazine cover this last week....exciting material! Coming soon.

A/C

after MONTHS of wondering why my room was so hot...I have discovered the air conditioning vent was closed. *sigh*

it is now open.

Ok, i'm back

Buffalo Wild Wings was very tasty by the way. 50cent boneless wings should be a holiday. Anways, back to the hating game.

It's so easy to just tear down rather than build up! I think a lot of times people my age, shoot, maybe any age, get discouraged or just plain cynical because we don't see an anvenue of change. Thats pretty much what Mayer is talking about in "Waiting for the World to Change" it's just much catchier than this blog.

You turn on the news, you see all the crap thats going on in the world. You go to church or any committee meeting and just see how the way we do things is so warped and petty. You watch specials on global warming and feel guilty about driving a car. You watch documentaries of sweat shops and look at your shoes, realizing you're part of the cycle. Thats a lot of guilt!

So what is there to do?

You gotta control what you can, which is yourself. It's easy to sit on the couch and bag on the administration for our country being at war, but what about the anger in our hearts against people we know? Thats the same thing that leads to war, just on a tiny tiny level ya know?

Ok, segway.

See, there's a lot of feelings out there about getting people into church. Creating "Worship +1" Christians, as in they're in worship for an hour plus something else for an hour. I work at a church, I want people there too! But I think we're missing the point because, and PLEASE pardon the late 90's phrase here...but Jesus calls us to be 24/7 Christians. I really am sorry to say 24/7, but there it is. This to me is how the church has warped the gospel...get people into a building for two hours and we guess things will get better.

Jesus didn't just complain about the system, he challenged it with his actions. He was the change he saught. So while it's easy yak about whats wrong with this or that....who cares until you do something? So what exactly do you do? Live it. Live the way Jesus calls us to. Easy to say, hard to do. It takes time and can't be boiled down and discected for an hour on FOX News.

I think our culture really exaults talking heads. I mean look at Bill O'Reily or if you wanna go to the other extreme Al Franken. Those dudes just talk about stuff. Big deal. Roger Ebert critiques movies. Why doesn't he make one and we'll see how good it is? See what i'm sayin? We put attach all this esteem and authority into what these dudes have to say. Ugh. Even now as i'm bagging on dudes that just talk about stuff...while in actuality it's ironic because I'M just talking about stuff! aaarrrggg!

Alright, this has been a ramble. Hopefully there's something in there for you guys. It's midnight and i'm doing laundry. I'll try and be more coherrant next time!

Lessons from Desperado

Hello all my Antonio Banderas loving blog people.

In high school, one of my favorite movies and I guess still a favorite was Desperado. Antonio is simply the man. I know its violent and graphic and there's over 80 deaths (we counted) any movie that features a rocket launcher guitar case pretty much gets a free pass for me.

There was however a nugget of truth in the midst of machismo- a quote from the mariachi himself:

"You know it is easier to pull a trigger than to play the guitar. Easier to destroy than create."

I really like that. A lot of times on the blog and just in my life in general i'll go on rants about how lame stuff is. Or i'll see a movie and just rip it apart. I can be VERY critical of lots of things- music, other people's habits, and especially church.

But isn't what Antonio said true? It IS easier to hate than to participate.

I can blast guys like Stephen Curtis Chapman for all the cheese, but what have I done? How many lives have I touched with music?

Go to the mall and listen to people, observe them. There's all sorts of material there. People are so shallow, so superficial, just plain funny. But how is THAT a good use of my efforts?

Just the other day I lambasted (sp? is this even a phrase? I think I heard it somewhere...) street signs. Ultimately...who cares what I think! I've never tried to name a street, i'll bet its hard. I still wouldn't have picked Thunderhead Canyon...but whatever.

So if you go to RelevantMagazine.com and read some articles critiquing society or the church it's real easy to become cynical. I touched on it in the John Mayer interview. It's easy to say "the fight ain't fair" but it's never gonna be.

Ok, time to go eat Boneless Buffalo Wings for 50cents...but more later!

Discovery

So i'm cleaning out the office today...and what do I come across:

CARMEN, THE ABSOLUTE BEST CD. It's from 1993. Carmen was my first concert, in first grade while my parents were doing youth group in Centralia. This is truely a treasure.

Emails

So, I read The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard. I'm currently reading The Great Omission. The author is a professor at USC. Universities have staff directories...I could get his email address! So at the risk of looking like some sort of stalker, I emailed him...and...HE EMAILED ME BACK THE SAME DAY! COOL!

*note, I have officially entered a new era of nerd-dom

New Albums

Downloaded two new albums this week: Audioslave and John Mayer.

First, Audioslave. Here's a good example of the dichotemy that is a new album. If they just keep doing their thing, people will say that it's just the same album, a la Jack Johnson or worse, AC/DC. At the same time, those people would also hate on them if they switched their style up totally. Personally, I think Audioslave has a good thing going and on Revelations it keeps rolling. I think the shoe is fitting, so what if I can't tell a huge difference from the other two albums. Thats a good thing because I like the other two albums a lot. Tom Morrello is the ultimate mad scientist guitar player. The bass player has a lot of tatoos. Cornell's voice should have been gone like, before I was born. So another standard album, which is good because the standard is high.

Second, and less listened to, John Mayer's Continuum. I just downloaded it like, 20 minutes ago. But i've heard the single for a couple weeks now; "Waiting on the World to Change". Check out some of the lyrics:

me and all my friends
we're all misunderstood
they say we stand for nothing and
there's no way we ever could
now we see everything that's going wrong
with the world and those who lead it
we just feel like we don't have the means
to rise above and beat it

so we keep waiting
waiting on the world to change
we keep on waiting
waiting on the world to change

that's why we're waiting
waiting on the world to change
we keep on waiting
waiting on the world to change

I believe Ghandi said "You must be the change you seek" which i've heard my good friend BB say more than once. So, I don't really think you can wait on the world to change. Thats a copout. Thus, I disagree with the first track on the album, but it still sounds cool. More on it soon.

Various Things

1. Finished The Divine Conspiracy. Dang. Actually, it was a book on tape, after which I purchased the normal book format. Just to give you an idea of how good it was....Dallas Willard himself narrated. A 60-some year old professor, not exactly James Earl Jones, or the chick from The Nanny. But his content was good enough to where his very normal, but very boring voice did not cause me to veer off the road in a narcoleptic fit.

2. Finished Traveling Mercies by Anne Lomott. It was ok. I would have liked her better before reading Donald Miller. She was funny and cussed some, which kept things interesting.

3. Picked up The Great Omission. By the aformentioned Dallas Willard. Dude, whats up with the fruit?

4. Had an AWESOME weekend in Kansas City. Maxin and relaxin with the fam- special lady friend included. It was my first time home without Harley which was sad. However it was nice to have people that love you enough to have cold Dr. Peppers waiting for you when you roll up.

5. John Mayer's new album comes out next week. It's been speculated by various magazine's that he and Jessica Simpson are now an item. I somehow see a connection between a new record and new relationship buzz, but we won't even get into that. What I WILL get into is my John Mayer theory. You see, John Mayer could never date Jessia Simpson. He would explode for overloading his coolness capacity. It is in fact, physically impossible for one man to be that cool. He is a handsome fellow (disputed by some, but whatever) He is maybe the greatest musician of my generation- he can sing, but lots of people can do that. He can play, lots of people do that, although not nearly as well as him. But he can WRITE, so well. HE DOES ALL THREE SO FREAKING GOOD! COME ON MAN, SAVE SOME TALENT FOR THE REST OF US! So, dating Jessica Simpson would simply be more cool than any single man could handle. It's as simple as that. Mark my words, if they start dating he will disintigrate.

6. Sorry for referencing the cover of People magazine. I normally don't do that, but in the check-out line at Dierbergs, I just can't resist sometimes.

7. Audioslave's new album came out this week. Gotta check that out.

8. One more time, check out the new blog site. I think in 5 years this will be the premier way of doing lots of things. So, even if this doesn't "take off" we're gonna keep truckin!

Peace.

Book Club

Hiyo!

So, last night was the first assembly of Adam's Book Club. I know the name is a big narcisistic, and I know I probably spelled that wrong, but how else could I emulate my idol....Oprah?

It was cool. Some snackage, great group of students, and a great book. I think this will work out quite well. I can't believe I get paid to talk about cool things with high school students.

Now, at this point you might be thinking...."Gosh Adam, I wish I could be as cool as you; Or at least be in your book club."

WELL GUESS WHAT?!?!?!? YOU CAN!

http://www.adamsbookclub.blogspot.com

Do it! Buy the book! Let's wallow in literacy together! Blog people unite!

Seriously, check it out. One more time:

Go Here.

Nothing like a little shameless self promotion eh?

More soon. Peace.

Stupid Street Names

You know somethin that makes me mad?

Stupid street names. In the suburban sprawling area of west st. louis county there are endless neighborhoods that each try to have some disctinct and presitgious name but they all end up sounding dumb and synonomous- Cherry Hills, Wild Horse Creek, Pine Tree Club, etc. There's no cherry trees or wild horses or some exclusive club, only names. But then you've got these lame street signs that are actually in no way descriptive and meant as some sort of enticing advertisement for those who don't live there when you see it on an envelope or phonebook or whatever.

The one that kills me is the one thats on my way to church. Thunderhead Canyon Dr. Come on. Sounds more like the new Indiana Jones sequal than a normal suburban street. Another bad one is in Kansas City where my family lives- Rolling Dr. It's actually a very flat street about 200 yards long with about 5 different types of houses symetrically built on either side of it. Nothing rolling about it. I dunno, somethin to rant about I guess. It's just when you pass by street after street named after something dubiously nature-esque, Thunderhead Canyon is really funny.

Snakes On A Blog

Well, I've done it. I saw Snakes On A Plane. I have to tell you, this movie to me represents much of the struggle of my life. Not really the movie itself, but rather the metaphysical issues it represents.

Let me get this out of the way: It was awesome. I laughed, was repulsed, and even jumped a couple times. Also I should note that the folks I went with were all from my church; 4 of which are on staff. Others included friends, roomates, youth group volunteers, and the chair of our evangelism committee. Thats pretty freaking cool. It was us and 2 other people in the whole theatre, oh ya, and they had a baby with them. Thats another topic for another day. I digress.

What I love about the movie is it's self-effacing nature. The title is so ridiculous yet so appropriate. The plot is so stupid yet encompasses two very common phobias- snakes.....and planes! The acting is so cheesy yet so perfect. The characters are totally off the shelf yet we would be outraged with needless development. Somehow you've got to think that this whole thing is tounge in cheek. We could write a list a mile long with silly summer blockbusters that rely on the same formulas that we all see and then say the same thing: "Why did I waste time and money on that!?" But the thing that makes Snakes On A Plane different is the fact that they're upfront with how ridiculous this all is! I love it!

You know when you see a minor car accident and you know you should just keep driving but you can't stop from rubbernecking? Or how you are completely aware the Jack In the Box Tacos might very well be the worst food on the planet, yet you love them so? Or staying up late playing X-Box is actually not that great of an idea anymore, but you do it anyway? This is the same dichotamy that Snakes On A Plane is for me.

I know it's stupid. I know it's a bad waste of human resources from the beginning of production to the hours and money spent by thousands of people. I know that it's mindless entertainment, 2 hours (well, 1 hour 46 minutes to be exact) I could have spent reading or volunteering at a shelter or....doing anything but watching this ridiculous movie!

Yet, I sort of want to see it again. At the very least, I'm anticipating the DVD for Christmas. *sigh* Oh, how shallow my nature.

Is this what Paul speaks of in Romans 7: 15? "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Am I way out of line for even drawing a comparison with the Apostle Paul and Snakes On A Plane? If I despise shallow crap and they way we live our lives but revel in seeing Snakes On A Plane, how does that add up?

For now, i'd reccomend Snakes On A Plane for anyone who wants a good laugh. Also, go here and send one to a friend.

Catch Up

Hello all my blog people.

I just got back from a Middle School retreat the 25-27, and a High School retreat August 18-20. I'm a little sore, a little sunburned, but still feelin good. This is officially the end of my "summer season" and it's been great, but also brutal. I miss my interns and my family and some friends....only some of them. Ha, kidding. Ok, since that wasn't funny let's move on.

I just finished The Secret Message of Christ. It was really good. McLaren (the author) does a good job of laying out his case for getting back to what Christ was talking about- the kingdom. Not American politics or justifications for this stance or that stance neccessarily, but the kingdom of God being at hand.

I was in a good conversation with one of our Sunday School leaders here at church, talking about books we were reading (like the one above) and he reccomended Steven Hawking's A Briefer History of Time. So i've been checking that out too. In reading about space-time continuims (sp?) i've learned the skill of accepting what I can't grasp and moving on. There's much blog-worthy material here. Basically the most brilliant man in the world (by the world's standards...) literally puts his hope in the stars. Lots to talk about there. I'm reading this to better understand the nature of the scientific community and why the subject of God and science converging seems so incongruous to so many.

I also just noticed I start a lot of paragraphs off with the word I....

Before I left for the retreats, we had a youth group session where the Middle Schoolers could write down any question they wanted to and then we'd read em' and see what we got. It was very reminiscent of sex-ed class in 5th grade. Luckily we didn't delve into anatomical issues, but here's two that we did get:

"When will the world come to an end? Don't want answer of 'never' or 'don't know'."
-I like that last part

here's another:

"If anyone could die any second than why do people bother to be someone? And how do I know if I need to forgive someone before I die?"

Dang. Two blog worthy candidates right there too.

Also, John Mayer and (more importantly) Robert Randolph & the Family Band are coming out with new albums soon. I pre-ordered the RRFB album, and then got an email saying they pushed back the release date from the end of September to October 6. I'd love to send THEM an email saying i'm going to delay my payment and see how that went over. Oh well. Another rant for another time.

So that's whats been going on with me. I get to spend some time with my special lady friend and my family over the next couple weeks. That'll be nice. So, i've got a lot stewin in this brain of mine.

So, with all this in mind, here's Blog topics soon to come:
-The Secret Message of Christ
-Steven Hawking, and time itself
-The End of the World
-Forgiveness
-Robert Randolph album
-Why John Mayer is a great musician but knows it, and why that is a problem
-SNAKES ON A PLANE REVIEW! Sorry I snuck that one in at the end. I've been runnin around so much, a little Samuel L will do a body good. Yes, I know its tacky and without class, but at least they're being upfront with it.

Sorry this was so sporadic.

Peace.

Better!

Ok, so thanks to my girlfriend and Dustin for your nice comments. In the future I don't plan on using my blog like a personal therapist, but it's important to put your true feelings out there right?

I've been reading Brian McLaren's book The Secret Message of Jesus. It's great, and I promise it's not as provacative as it sounds. Well, maybe it is but not in a 'Da Vinci Code' sense but in a 'holy crap we've really been missing the point' sense.

Somehow I found it easier to read books ABOUT following Jesus, ABOUT reading the Bible rather than the Bible itself. I have used the Bible for my purpose, to extract a lesson so I can look wise. This is much different than ernest reflection and prayer. Gimme grace baby! Thats changed within the past three days though, and i'm hyped about our high school retreat this weekend. I'm also sad because my girlfriend leaves for school Sunday, and I won't be there. I told her I feel like Robin Williams character in the beginning of Hook.

So, it's a big weekend.

End of My Rope

Ya know, I really think I have the best job in the world. "Director of Youth Ministries". Most of the time, I get paid to do what I think is a good time. Teaching, organizing trips, stupid stuff like frisbee, helping students make sense of crap they're going through. It's great, really it is.

But sometimes I get so flustered by all the demands on time; commitee meetings, staff meetings, personal meetings, meetings to schedule other meetings so that other meetings can be planned, etc. I get worn out and all I do is talk to people.

Basically, thats it. I talk to people. I don't work at a coal mine, or build stuff. I talk to people and get paid for it. So I feel like a pansy when i'm tired, spiritually and psychologically.

I think it's a sign that i'm leaning to much on "adam". Trying to do what I think is right, following MY pursuits, instead of allowing myself to be filled up by God, i'm running on "me" fumes. Not that following God means that i'll be fully energetic all the time, but i'm really feeling the burn here.

Sometimes I just wish I could work at a shoe store. Sell shoes all day then go home and don't have to think about shoes until the next day. I get home and my mind is still plagued with everything I did that day- did I screw it up? Should I have said this or not? Am I leading things in the way that God would want? The pressure is enormous sometimes.

But then other times i'm paid to float on a lazy river in Baton Rouge, LA.

Wish I was there right now.

Man-Test

So, I know that this is sociologically inscensitive (sp?) as i'm defining the male gender role, but here's a man-test that we gave out at recent Guys Night with Youth Group. I'll post the answers later. Enjoy!

1. How many razor blades does the new Gillete Fusion contain?
a. 2
b. 4
c. 5
d. 6

2. How often would you say you use the word “dude” on a daily basis?
a. Never
b. Accidentally, sometimes
c. Ocassionally/Socially
d. Dude, all the time!

3. Which of these is an awesome car?
a. 2003 Gold Chevy Malibu
b. 1962 Camarro
c. 2005 Mini-Cooper complete with British Flag Paint Job
d. 2000 Mercury Cougar

4. Which of these would you rather eat?
a. Double cheese burger, onion rings, ice cold carbonated beverage
b. A lovely House Salad
c. Whatever Mommy is fixing for dinner
d. Pizza that is cold/left out on the counter/been sitting in a car for a day

5. You become King of the World, what is your first order of business?
a. Use your power to proclaim cheap summer drinks all year round
b. Declare your birthday national pick a flower day
c. Celebrate your victory over tea and crumpets
d. Delegate all your responsibilities and just play Xbox all day

6. What did you think of “The Notebook”
a. Never saw it
b. Chick flick, wouldn’t watch it if you paid me
c. I cried, but tried to hide it
d. I wept openly and now own two copies, incase something happens to one

7. True or False: Although the game that bears his name is cool, John Madden is in
fact, annoying.

8. Name three Stallone movies, no sequals:
1.
2.
3.

9. If a girl tells you that you’re behaving belligerently you:
a. Say “thanks!”
b. Pontificate what aspects of your conduct she could be assessing, and consider change
c. Scratch your head and drool a little bit
d. You didn’t hear her in the first place

10. Yes or No: Butter on movie popcorn

11. Yes or No: Trips to the bathroom in groups

12. Yes or No: Picking your nose if no one is looking

13. Yes or No: Mope heads

14. Yes or No: Celine Dion cell phone ring tone

15. Yes or No: Chili Dogs

16. True or False: ESPN stands for entertainment and sports programming network

17. True or False: Viscosity refers to The degree to which a fluid resists flow
under an applied force

18. True or False: An alternator starts up your car while the battery keeps the engine
running

19. Fist pound or high five?

20. Cheetos or Pringles?

21. Superman or Batman?

22. Rock-Paper-Scissors or Rock-Paper-Scissors-Shoot!

23. Blonde tip highlights or Facial hair?

24. Building stuff or Breaking stuff?

25. AC/DC or Nickelback?

26. Let’s say you’re shopping for a new pair of shorts. Do you:
a. Look at 7 different stores, trying on multiple shorts per store
b. Ask your Mom or Girlfriend or Sister to pick some out
c. Go without wearing any shorts at all
d. Go to your “usual store” hit up the sale rack and find your size

27. When approaching the urinals with some random dude using one, do you:
a. Opt for a stall even if there’s a wait
b. Take the open urinal, but keeping silent with eyes forward
c. Make conversation with the stranger next to you
d. You don’t use public restrooms because of choices like these

28. The Final Countdown is:
a. A masterpiece
b. Cheesy, but fun to sing
c. Nauseating
d. The new years eve ball drop

29. Which of these gifts to you prefer?
a. Cologne
b. Straight Cash Homey
c. Something practical/useful (tool set, clothes, etc)
d. Gift Cards

30. One of your friends discovers something in the fridge that stinks, almost to the
point of causing vomiting. He offers you a sniff. Do you:
a. Scream “you’re crazy!” and run out of the room
b. Walk over to whatever is causing the stench and inhale deeply
c. Start crying
d. Pretend to sniff and fake a reaction, but you were really holding your breath

31. There are __ lugnuts on a 17inch tire.

32. In Star Wars, I liked Anakin best as:
a. That cute little boy
b. The long haired rebellious Jedi
c. Darth Vader, dark lord of the Sith
d. That blue Ghost at the end of Return of the Jedi

33. When faced with inescapable public flatulence do you:
a. Cough to cover it up
b. Endure the pain and hold it
c. Crop-dust
d. Test the waters

SEX!

Now that I have your attention, here is a thought provocing article regarding teens and sex.

This is relevant to me as a youth worker, but perhaps more just as a person living in the world. The article cites recent studies and asserts that the more young people listen to sexually charged music the more likely they are to start having sex.

Of course the Recording Industry Association of America refuses to comment, and the dude from the Hip-Hip Summit Action Network says they're just talking about "social and economic realities"; e.g. Kids have sex and the same kids spend lots of money buying music that talks about sex.

Let's not blame this on the record industry. They're just selling records with little social responsibility. I'd ban Kidz Bop before I banned Snoop Dogg, but thats another blog altogether. Maybe the problem is that parents don't teach their kids about the value of sex, Cosmo and Seventeen magazine do. Maybe the problem is that they find misguided phsyical and emotional satisfaction in empty shell relationships filled with sex because they don't find worth outside of that.

So do we burn all our secular CD's? No! But we do acknowledge that Nellie Furtatdo's latest single Promiscuous is number 3 on the iTunes singles chart and thats what kids listen to. I'll admit, it's catchy. Frankly, I wish it wasn't so dirty so I could jam to it in my car. So AS PARENTS of youth and PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT YOUTH we should inform them of the realities of sex, cause right now hip-hop is beating the crap out of us.

I guess i'll have to get rid of my Pussy Cat Dolls CD now huh?

Open letter to Interlinc:

Dear Interlinc,

I guess at some point in time my church was a big subscriber to your services, as I have recieved your 6th letter urging us to renew our subscription. Unfortunately, your attempts to be cute have backfired. "Missing Youth Worker" milkbox pictures and "Youth Worker Abducted by Aliens" headlines on papers that don't exist really aren't appealing, in fact they're just plain lame.

The reason I haven't renewed our subscription is not because I am missing or have been taken captive by martians, no, it's because I don't think the newest Jaci Velasquez album with accompanying devotion are crucial to the ministry here. Frankly, the material is contrived and some of the music is of less than desireable quality.

So, there it is. I know you guys do good work, we're just not looking to pay hundreds of dollars for dime-a-dozen Christian bands and devotionals that are a bit of a stretch. I'm sure Interlinc is a great part of lots of ministries, just not ours. So sending me multiple mailings every month is a lot like a desperate dude that won't accept rejection.

I admire your persistance and consistancy, I do not admire cutesy attempts to get me to pay for something I don't need.

Respectufully Submitted,

Adam

HS Retreat Mullet Man Workin For The Weekend

Commercial for our high school retreat!

Grooming Mishaps

So, it's been a rough couple days grooming wise for me. Yesterday my bag-o stuff fell into the toilet, Friday I forgot to adjust the beard trimmer and shaved a line of hair practically off my face.

But the kicker was last Thursday. I go into Great Clips for a haircut. I understand that this is a gamble. So I sit down after waiting for a little while, no big deal. Then the stylist and I have the conversation where I can never remember what guard I am for her clipper thingies and I can't effectively communicate what I want done to my hair.

Ever that dance was over she begins to describe to me how she doesn't have her Great Clips stylist training updated. She doesn't have her "refresher course" but she's been "cutting hair for years". A moonshine stylist, great. So this 60 some year old woman named Claudette is cutting hair all over the place while I can't see a thing due to not having my glasses on.

To make a long story short, she ends up calling for backup from the other stylist; they actually do a decent job, although it was quite the eventful haircut. Which took 45 minutes by the way. Upon finishing our client/stylist transaction she says to me:

"Well, it looks better than when you came in here. You looked like an ape from the stoneage."

I can't top that. Peace.

Vanity?

So, here's my problem. Recently, (this summer) i've tried to become "a reader". My creative writing teacher (whom I revered) in high school told us once: "People who read are smarter than those who don't". Not just being literate, but reading books and engaging in thought on a regular basis. I don't think you can really argue with that.

Since May, i've read 4 books. Velvet Elvis, Blue Like Jazz, Adventures in Missing the Point, and Searching for God Knows What. I've got 3 more going right now too: Colossians Remixed (stupid name, but pretty thick reading), Rennovation of the Heart, and A New Kind of Christian. So thats like, 7 books right? Not bad for a former (let's face it, still) ESPN junkie.

But the problem with me is, I think that part of the reason I like reading books is I like the idea that i'm someone who likes reading books. Read that again. I hope it makes more sense. Is it about the books, more accurately, what the books contain and how I apply it to my relationship with God? OR do I like to sound cool and up to date when I ramble off stuff I read or thought about, and reccomend books to people who are obviously missing out on all the smarts i've got since, i'm a reader now.

My friend Andy was talking about a book called A Generous Orthodoxy on his blog a week or two ago. You know what I wanted to do? Rather than commenting on some aspect that he touched on, or had particular insight on that I missed....I wanted to be like: "Oh ya, the ol' Generous Orthodoxy. I read that like, two summers ago". *sigh* That would be just one of many instances of me liking the version of me thats a reader.

Ever been to an independant music store? Say, Slackers in Columbia? There's an persona the workers don't intentionally put off, well maybe they do, but it's still there. It's like they are way cooler than you simply because they listen to "indie" bands. So what if the music blows, what makes it cool is its lack of popularity. The band is their little secret, and once more people find out about them, it's on to the next one.
I've done that with music too, and sometimes the same desire to be in the know without everyone else knowing carries over to the books I read, which frankly, aren't even that new or cutting edge anyway.

At youth group, I bag on fashion or consumerism or materialism all the time. How we're not defined by what clothes we wear or how new our cars are (wow, thats hard to pronounce), and how we can't just keep putting our value in newer, better stuff. I always say when we define ourselves by whats around us, it's like remembering where you parked by what cars you're next to.

So how stupid am I by operating by the "cooler/smarter than you" principal with BOOKS ABOUT JESUS! I've got books called: Adventures in Missing the Point on my shelf but i'm really missing the point! Aarrrrg!

The fashion industry is shallow- this fall's clothes are way more in than last years, but next year this years clothes will be so last year. Get it? Trying to stay on the cutting edge in that cycle is an endless pursuit of vanity, expensive and un-rewarding once the style fades.

So trying to keep trendy with all the new books or new authors or new buzzwords is pretty much the same thing. Only at least with fashion i'd be more honest with myself than when I get all prideful about the latest books i've read.

Well, I hope this has all made sense. I'm going to keep reading, not to be smarter than other people (even though that may be true....ok, nevermind, sorry) but rather to stimulate my mind and motivate my spirit even more. *cajun man voice* Stimulation, Motivation,....Conclusion.

Miller Time

So a couple blogs ago I talked about Donald Miller's Searching for God Knows What. I've finished the book, and plan to use it here with the Youth Group. Most of his book is about a relational religion, not formulaic or legalistic religion. Great!

Miller emphasizes a relationship with Jesus, not in a way that boasts how much quiet time you spend in the morning, or how your quota of daily bible reading, or Saturdays spent at the homeless shelter, but in a way that expresses a NEED and LOVE of a God you can't fully understand. None of those things in the list are bad, I could definately do more of all of them. But thats just it, there's ALWAYS MORE to do, always things about myself that suck, constantly more ways I can be a better follower of Christ.

But isn't that how it is in any relationship we have?

With my human buddies, I can always return calls faster or give more consideration to their needs, or in other ways show my love for my friends. I don't necessarily spend 8 minutes on the phone with each of them every day to show my friendship, it might not hurt but I can't just focus on the phone time or how many cards I send them. When we focus on the acts rather than who the acts are for, we get into trouble. Ultimately, it's not like there's a set of items to check off an agenda to achieve one-ness with Christ, some finite once and for all 7 habits of the best Christians ever.

Conversely, when we piss our friends off or do things that agitate them, how good of friends are we going to remain? If I constantly am blowing someone off or making excuses not to hang out or ignoring their needs for my own, what kind of relationship is that?

Miller helped me realize that my concept of a relationship with Jesus has been fairly shallow. Following rules and doing whats right is good, but those are a means to the end of Jesus himself. So when you screw up it's not like a sin scale tips in heaven but more like dissapointing someone you love.

When we talk about a relationship like this, it's much more difficult because it really takes on meaning. You're no longer feel some vague obligation to "being a good Christian" and not _____ (fill in the blank here) but really you're honoring God by obeying his commands. You're in an abstract relationship until its made real by your actions, it's real because Christ is in you and you care.

I think in church we stress habits and steps because they're easier. Shoot, i've done it myself without practicing it myself, how horrible is that? It's Dr. Phil religious mode: "If you read your bible and pray everyday, and give 10% of your money back to this church, you'll be in with God." Reading scripture, prayer, tithing....who could argue against these things, which God calls his people to do. BUT if they're like things we check off a list rather than times when you devote time to interacting with God than they're not really doing what they're meant for. It's the same as when Jesus tells the people not to draw attention to themselves when they fast or pray, because that's missing the point of the whole thing.

So I really reccomend this book, although thats what I plan to talk about next time.

Sad

Saturday afternoon I recieved a call from my buddy Jeff. This was not a good phone call. Two of my friends from Columbia were in a car accident early Saturday morning, around 6am. They were on their way to the airport when they were hit head-on by a drunk driver, who had come out of a weigh station going the wrong way on I-70.

My friend Tyler died and my other friend Chad was hospitalized, but released. It's awful. I almost thought it inscensative to blog about this, but anyone who reads this can pray for the Downey family, and for Chad and his family, and all of their friends too. Also, the 19 year old intoxicated driver survived, but his 18 year old intoxicated passenger did not. Their families need prayer, as does this young man who has made terrible mistakes.

Tyler's funeral is Saturday in Columbia. There's lots of things people say at times like this. Things that are obligatory, things that maybe make some people feel better. But I don't think a lot of those things are true; God did not have a purpose in "taking Tyler" a couple of kids got wasted and killed Tyler. Whatever God's plan for his people after we leave our Earthly bodies is, Tyler *is* a part of that now...but I wish he was still here on Earth and could be in that better place later. There is no reason for his death, other than the fallen, sinful nature of man. Lots of my friends are very sad, mourning the death of someone who loved God and loved people.

It is comforting to see communities of faith embrace the memory of Tyler, and even those who did not know him embracing those that did. It is comforting that we know how the story ends- that Christ died for Tyler and he's in his hands now.

Sad, confused, angry, and out of things to say.

Deep Thoughts for the Day

This is from Donald Miller's "Searching for God Knows What" which I read this morning:

(pg. 160-161) "Because we have approached faith through the lens of science, the rich legacy of art that once flowed out of the Christian community has dried up. The poetry of Scripture, especially in the case of Moses, began to be interpreted literally and mathematically, and whole books such as the Song of Songs were completely and totally ignored. They weren't scientific. You couldn't break them down into bullet points. Morality became a code, rather than a manifestation of a love for Christ, the way a woman is faithful to her husband, the way a man is faithful to his wife. These relational ideas were replaced with wrong and right, good and bad, with only hinted suggestions as to where wrong and right and good and bad actually came from. Old Testament stories became formulas for personal growth rather than stories to help us understand the character and nature of the God with whom we interact.

In a culture that worships science, relational propositions will always be left out of arguments attempting to surface truth. We believe quite simply, that unless we can chart something, it doesn't exist. And you can't chart relationships."

Sorry that was a little lengthy. This is a great book, and part of the reason I think it's great is because I've had some of the same thoughts! I remember sitting in Psychology classes in college going round and round with the professor about why the DSM sucked so much. For those of you who aren't impressed with my inclusion of academic tidbits, which I guess is pretty much everyone who will read this, the DSM is a manual used by psychologists to diagnose mental disease. Now, i'm not saying it's all bad or that psychology doesn't help people. But you'll notice if you click on the link that it's the 4th edition. The DSM changes. Hey, thats cool, lots of things in the medical and even religious community change. It's cool until you were diagnosed under the first edition, and were recieving electro-shock treatment.

My problem with psychology is that people aren't just a collection of chemicals to be balanced for "normal bahavior". What Miller is articulating is that the bible isn't a collection of self-help bullet points so we can improve our lives. People's problem with religion, say Christianity, is that it's a list of things you can't do: Can't cuss. Can't watch R-movies. Can't drink any alcohol. Can't have sex until you're married. Can't think girls are pretty. Can't laugh at farts. Can't sleep in on Sunday. Can't be friends with people who do any of the things you can't do.

It's a lot messier to struggle with things and decide if they are right or wrong, and to wrestle with why we think this way. But also, as opposed to a list of things Christians can't do or formulas to get your relationship with God where it should be, what about focusing on the good we should do as opposed to the bad we should avoid at all costs? More on this soon, I gots to go eat with my intern buddies. Peace.

Springfield, NCAA Football 07, and the Church

Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I went on another workcamp; this time to Springfield with our Middle School. Man, it was great. It was so cool to see these guys who hadn't really done anything like a conference workcamp. There were about 190 (14 from our church) of us there, and our church was assigned a ramp to build. Luckily, the adults I brought were: A teacher, an engineer, and a chemist. All more educated and able to adapt to situations than me. So the picture you see is us with Michelle, who's father has suffered numberous recent injuries as a result of muscle and bone deficiencies. He's wheelchair bound and can now live with his daugher, son-in-law, and grandkids.

On an unrelated side-note, the new college football game from EA just came out. It's sweet. So far i'm 0-1 to Jeremy, on account of a last play of the game touchdown. Great. I'm going to the Cards game tonight too, with my pastor. Which I guess means the cursing with have to be toned down, a little. Clearly i'm not working TOO hard.

Back to a related topic now...I think a lot of times the church gets a bad name, and righfully so. Let's go back all the way to the Crusades, stuff like the Spanish Inquisition, feudalistic brutality, Indulgences, Anti-semitism...Then all the way up to the 20th century we had segregation, condemnation, (sorry, no more cajun man) cases of child abuse, sexual misconduct, being complacent in our communities, all sorts of things. If your casual person on the street has a less-than-positive image of "the church", frankly, they have several good reasons to. It's led by broken people.

People who are anti-establishment or anti-institution can have lots of reasons why the church is bad. Who hasn't sat in Annual Conference (sorry, Methodist talk) and wondered if all of this is just a stupid waste of time?

But to see what God does through his people really is refreshing, and makes all the crap we humans throw into the equation bearable. With one phone call we can have a place to stay in Jackson Mississippi on our way home. Paperwork and "red tape" really can be effective in Kenner Louisianna as needs are matched with willing and able hearts. 190 kids from all around Missouri can make a difference to dozens of families in Springfield. So as easy as it is to criticize church, it's not all bad either: the Methodist church can be a stagnent, outdated, tumultuous, fickle, complacent body. Sit in on a meeting to change the carpet color or design a t-shirt sometime. Or more seriously, sit in on a General Conference session. But the Methodist Church (and plenty of other churches too, i'm just speaking from experience here) can also AND MORE IMPORTANTLY be an avenue where the mission of Jesus Christ is carried out in real, tangible, meaningful ways. Not a slogan or a bumper sticker type way, but I changing lives sort of way.

Thats something I can sign up for.

Something About It.

The thing that God accomplished through us was giving hope to his people. FEMA has screwed these folks, insurance companies have screwed these folks, the media has forgotten these folks; they have been tossed to the curb just like the inards of their homes. We provided free labor and warm hearts to these people, and we were in turn blessed by blessing them.

The man in the middle of the picture is Joe. I don't think he would mind if I told his story. Joe has a beautiful wife and daughter. A young, fun family. They bought their home in January of 2005 before the hurricane came in August. Friday night August 27th they were celebrating his wife's birthday....the storm came Sunday the 29th. It was their first home together, everything in it was brand new: appliances, furniature, everything. They left for Lake Charles and then later Houston, TX. They were later evacuated from Houston because of Hurricane Rita. They now are back renting an apartment in New Orleans, where Joe was born and has lived all his life.

Joe and his family visited us on the worksite, which if I recall correctly was only his third visit to the house since Katrina. It was very hard on him and his family, especially his wife. They weren't sure how their little girl would react, but he told me they wanted her to meet all of us. Joe and his wife wanted their little girl to see people doing some good in the world. So we met, and hugged, and cried, and joked a little bit to ease the awkwardness- remember, we were cleaning out these people's lives and piling them on the front lawn to be hauled away.

The next day Joe came back- with the sign you see him holding and Po'Boy Sandwiches for all of us. What a tear jerker. Here this dude had lost everything and he was worried about what he could do for us. So we captured the photo-op, and ate a great lunch. I will never forget sitting there with a full belly and a full heart (sorry it's so cheesy, but true!). In this picture you see Joe, and youth from St. Joseph MO, Kansas City MO, St. Louis MO, and Panama City FL. In this picture you see what God can do with his people.

James 2: 15&16...
Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?

I would add "Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food or their home was destroyed by a hurricane."

We did something about it. Praise God.

Post-Workcamp

We're back. The workcamp was a great week. You go through stages, and after being back 5 days now i'm still kind of shaken up. Initially it was the shock (see picture). It looks like a 3rd world country in some parts down there, I couldn't believe this was America, that all our wealth and power is inadequate in getting thousands of people's lives back to some level of normalacy (sp? is that a word?). Then somehow amid the gutting of houses and the showering with 64 other people you get accustomed to the devastation. You get descensatized to just how awful everything is because you're living in it, well, visiting. Then you meet the homeowners that have lost everything and it's worse than shock. Its beyond empathizing with them. What can you possibly say to these people? Isn't it almost insulting that all these kids with great houses back home put on a sad face while they clean out whats left of an entire lifetime of memories? A strong sense of guilt comes over you when you delight in using a sledgehammer to break down water-closets or tile. Then you realize that thoughts like that are selfish, that you are here to give hope to these people and that's what happened. More, real soon!